Have to look for work

Here I am again having to look for work. Husband's job ends in April, and I think this is a good opportunity to get off my ass and look for work. I really need to work for several reasons.

(1) I have very good skills, and I am wasting them by sitting at home just blogging, as much as I love it. I really need to get moving.

(2) In my experience, the best place to find friends is at work. We like some people and dislike others, but the chances of finding like-minded friends are much higher. I need friends. I need to love and be loved. My e-friends are great, but it would be nice to get together with people once in a while, for say a BBQ.

(3) I should look for work just because I am so afraid to do it. I need to defeat the fear. I need to defeat the inner voice that says, "you are worthless, you are never going to work again, no-one wants you." There must be somebody out there who can benefit from what I can do.

So, I need to write to a few people in several fields and create a network of contacts that will eventually give me a job. And I want to do it, just because.

I am depressed today

I posted on a Christian blog to support a friend, and the f*g bastards managed to upset me. Now they're blaming me for being upset, as if a person had no right no experience emotions.

I am so glad I am no longer a Christian. F*g bastards deserve all my resentment and my rage. They are robots who only allow themselves to feel the feelings the religion allows them to. They figure they're like a radio and that they can switch stations at pleasure. Let's see, the Bible says that I should love this person, so I will love her. Now, the Bible says to hate gays, so I no longer like Larry 'cause he's a queer.

I can't believe that they're going around preaching a so-called gospel of "love," when they're so miserable and brainwashed themselves. I wonder what would happen to these people if I put them in a nice hotel in a city with no churches and no evangelicals around.

Would they eventually learn to enjoy themselves? Would they realize that there are a lot of cool, good, kind people in the world who aren't Christians? What is it going to take to wake up those people from the dream. I am convinced that reasoning with them is a waste of time, mostly.

One thing I know tonight. I don't want them anywhere near me. The creeps make me majorly uncomfortable. At this moment, I could even say I hate them, but I know tomorrow I will, again, feel compassion and understanding for them. It is hard not to, when one sees how they're wasting their lives for a worthless cause.

Cold Feet and Night Sweats

For years, I've been suffering of cold feet. Well, I am 45, have fibroids, a chronic sinus infection, chronic back pain, and systemic candida (frequent urination, bladder problems, rashes, etc).

It is highly irritable that during cooler days my feet feel so cold, but at night, I can't sleep because I keep sweating all night. It so frustrating to be hot at night and cold during the day. What on earth is that?

Sometimes I think I should just call up the OB gyn and ask her to take the damned uterus out once and for all. How worse can it be? Can anyone tell me?

Wow! Did I write that?

I didn't know where this blog was. I thought blogspot had deleted it. I just found it again, and it is interesting to see how far I've gone from where I was years ago, when I created it.

I am now mostly an atheist. I still like the ideas of the positive thinkers, but I truly think that taken too far can be as bad as the Christian crutch.

For instance, if I come to believe that my thoughts affect my life and others', then I am always afraid of thinking anything, and that's very stressful. So I prefer to live freely. Having happy thoughts is always a good idea, anyway. A positive outlook in life is an excellent way to live. But feeling slaved to the "doctrines" that say that thinking evil of others brings me bad karma, is definitely suffocating, and I refuse to live "in the box" anymore.

I prefer to try to be positive and to think good thoughts just because, without any pressure.