The "Beloved" Sister

Visiting my sister, once or twice a week, is an interesting exercise. The poor woman is out-in-the-left-field when it comes to people's skills.

It is sad that she is so mean and self-righteous. But sadder yet is that she's clueless about it. When a person is so sure that being rude and controlling is a good thing, what hope is there for them?

The only reason I visit her, occasionally, between my nephew's naps and feedings, is because of him. Because of her too, the day may come when she needs to leave the baby with me, due to an emergency, and I don't want him to see me as a complete stranger.

He's an adorable, smiley, agreeable baby. As soon as I get to his house, he starts playing with me. When I leave he looks very serious. I wouldn't be surprised if he shed a few tears for me.

His mother is a nightmare to be around of. She has always been very good at minimizing me, but I've been ignoring her lately. It's easy to do that when there is a smiley baby trying to get your attention.


She is also educational for me to watch, as she is extremely similar to my mother. That aspect of me that I call the "fight or flight" response is one of our mother's traits. It has to do with black-or-whiteness.

That is, in Mother's mind, people expect perfection and nothing less. Apparently, in her mind, people will think she is horrible, lazy, uncaring, and lord knows what else, if the food is less than perfect, if her attire is below the highest standards, if she is late by a second, if instructions are loosely followed, as opposed to to the letter.

All that causes Mother to label even meaningless situations as emergencies. Even going to the mall wearing non-matching pieces of clothing seems to be unacceptable. Yes, she gave me all that. No wonder I've carried so much stress on my shoulders during my lifetime. I've been trying to create perfection and expecting to be rewarded for my efforts.

I never did manage to create perfection because such utopia is in the eye of the beholder. I got little praise along the way, because unbeknownst to me, the only area where perfection was required was where I wasn't even trying: being easy to get along with and agreeable.

So I look at my sister trying to impress me with her perfect timing for the baby. He eats exactly every three hours, even if she has to wake him up. And I'm supposed to be quite impressed by that. She cooks him food from recipes followed meticulously. She dresses him in expensive clothes in matching colours.

All along I'm thinking, who the heck cares if the baby eats on schedule to the second? Isn't that teaching him intolerance? Won't he for the rest of his life be demanding that people be timely on their dealings with him?

Aren't babies in underdeveloped countries lucky to eat once a day? Lots of them grow up to be tall and strong, too.

I'm not suggesting that she be neglectful. I'm just saying that her baby won't starve to death or go malnourished if he goes without food for four hours.

What's sad about my sister is that she is rude and disagreeable to everybody, yet she delusively believes that others approve of her, because she dresses well, COUNSELS others wisely, and looks like a perfect mother. Ah when is she going to wake up?

Like I used to be (a thing of the past, I hope), she is a nasty bitch with a know-it-attitude.

Why don't I say anything? Because if I do she will hurt me. She will leave me bleeding inside and depressed for days, by showing me the skeletons I have in my closet, of which she is quite aware.

The other reason is that it won't help her. People change when life opens their eyes. She may change someday, when she finds herself utterly alone, and she is forced to see the error of her ways. I don't see it happening any earlier than that.

My husband and I are seriously toying with the idea of moving to the other side of the country. We think that there may be more jobs there, and from there, we can more easily visit Europe, Eastern Canada, and the eastern states.

Personally, I wouldn't be too heartbroken to leave my "beloved" sister behind. She's as thorny as a rose and as self-centered as Scarlett O'Hara. I would miss out on my nephew, but I already enjoyed 13 others in the past, and they all grew up and forgot me. Let's face it. He isn't mine, and his loyalty is to his parents, so I've got to look out for ourselves. We have nephews on his side who have promised to put us on a nursing home at the end of our days.

Here is hoping that by bitching about my sister, I have helped myself to see the error of my ways as well.