Thursday, May 14, 2009

My fears - Shadows in the Darkness

I am a fearful person. Just about everything scares me.

Psychologists have told me that my main problem is my fight-or-flight response to life, and I believe them. How can I not, when almost every little daily event causes my heart to race?

For instance, if I am cleaning the kitchen and look toward the usually dark dinning room and see a shadow moving, I freak out, my heart beats fast, and I start thinking that maybe there is a stranger in the house, or a ghost.

It takes me about five seconds to realize that it was my own shadow. Since the kitchen/family room area is a fishbowl, with tons of daylight coming in, my shadow can easily be seen in the tiny streaks of light that make it to the dining room.

I know all that, yes, but I still freak out when I sense motion in the room. My heart is beating just thinking of that. And there isn't much I can do about it.

Sigh!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing this~ have you ever been diagnosed with ptsd? i know a characteristic of it is a state of hypervigilance, feeling jumpy and easily startled. especially you have flash feelings that you are being threatened, like thinking someone is in your house to hurt you.

Unrepentant said...

I have PTSD. No doubt. Psychologists have mentioned that.

Living in a country at war is no piece of cake.

Having a mother who used to come in the house screaming, hitting, humiliating, and finding fault is at the root of the problem.

Anonymous said...

i thought as much. if you're not already aware of it, this is a great blog:

http://parasitesofthemind.blogspot.com/

unrepentant said...

Thanks, will have a look at that blog.