Morning Meditation

I have finished the wonderful website I was doing, and now I really have to look for work. I called a government agency that helps folks with that sort of “problem” and made an appointment for a week today—the earliest one they had.

In the meantime, I am going to be researching what I can do. I was thinking that I can probably try to get a job at a liquor store. If I see Christians there, they won’t be able to tell anyone they met me at the liquor store.

I have “meditated” two days in a row. Done my way, meditation feels wonderful.

First I relax, telling my major body parts to relax. Then, with my eyes closed and deeply concentrated, I start stating everything I want with “I” statements. In other words, I say affirmations but I don’t prepare them or read them. I say what I want to accomplish, from the depths of my soul.

For instance, I’ve been saying that I have a job, that I can easily handle the pressures of employment, that I know how to relax in times of distress.

To me, there is nothing mystical or weird about that. It is entirely practical. If I want to change the way I think, I need to reprogram myself, and what better way that brainwashing myself to believe I’m already the person I want to become?

A lot of that stuff I learned while visiting pagan churches, Unity and Science of Mind. But when I was in their midst, I failed to understand their language. For instance, for dealing with difficult people, they always told me to speak to others’ Higher Self.

Excuse me, but if you tell me that, you have to define Higher Self. They all have their own definitions and nothing made sense to me. They mangle it up with the idea that we’re all god, and end up saying that I’m talking to god, because they’re god. The “G” word turned me off right away.

Recently, I told my counselor that I had finally understood the concept. I said to her, “Higher Self is the pure, intact person I was before life screwed me up.” She agreed.

Today during meditation, I had another breakthrough. I realized that regardless of a person’s outward appearance, deep down inside most people are good in their core, as exemplified by how everybody helps during emergencies. If when I talk to people I oversee the stuff that bothers me and remember that deep down there is another person who is pure and good, I can deal with them better. I can appeal to that side of them and be more successful.

That is important to me, because there is too much that annoys me about people, and I tend to let their outer shell define how I treat them. If I know that the outer shell is there for a reason, and that they have a core of goodness, I can relate to them with more faith and hope.

Also during meditation, I’ve been telling myself that I can do it. That I have what it takes to find a job. That I deserve one. That somebody out there needs my skills, and I will find out who that is.

If anything else, meditating in the morning keeps me hopeful. I love it and hope that I will have the discipline to stick to it.